Thursday, July 23, 2015

White Blank Page

Change. It's the one (and only) constant in our universe. It's inevitable. It's scary. It's always looming. Sometimes it happens without us realizing that it's happening. Okay, fine. Fairly often it happens without us realizing it. It's all around us. All. The. Time. Not to freak you out or anything. It's just astonishing to think about. Our cells are shifting and changing and dying and renewing... it's a never-ending cycle. Change can be horrifying. It can be one of the hardest things we will ever experience. Why do you think newborn babies cry when they leave the comfort of the womb and are forced into the cold, blinding light of day? Because it's terrifying. But luckily, change can be one of the most beautiful, most enriching, most positive experiences you will ever have. It's an opportunity to start fresh. To try a little harder. To be a better person.

I guess you can tell that I'm nervous about moving to Orono in three short weeks. It doesn't seem possible that this summer is almost over. It seems like just yesterday I was still at UMF, nervously awaiting graduation. Alas, the summer is winding down and the start of school is looming on the horizon. Don't get me wrong--I'm so excited to have an opportunity to start fresh in a new place, make new friends, and begin my journey at UMO. It's just a little scary that it's all happening so soon.

I've done it before--starting over. I transferred from SMCC to UMF after two years of security and familiarity and now I get to take that leap of faith once again. Although, this time I've realized something. Before I left SMCC, I saw the change as an opportunity to be someone else. To forget about my past. To leave behind unhealthy habits and an incredibly unhealthy relationship. I wanted to forget the past. When I left UMF, I had a similar feeling. I wanted to forget all of the bad times I had had. But just recently I realized something. I shouldn't be spending so much time running from the negative experiences in life. I should spend so much more time focusing on what is good and right and positive in my life. I shouldn't feel as though I'm running away from the bad things that have happened--I should feel like I'm running towards something new and exciting. And when I look back, I should be able to recognize the bad and realize that all of that has passed for a reason and instead think of all of the positive things that have come to me.

I so look forward to my next adventure. I know that while there will always be good times and bad times, both of these experiences help shape us and teach us valuable lessons. Be thankful for the good times. Be thankful for the bad times. Be thankful for the plentiful love that you share with your loved ones. Be thankful for the love you've lost. Be thankful for a job that you love. Even be thankful for the shittiest job you've ever had. Just be thankful for change, good or bad. Charge forward into your life. Never ever forget where you've been and never lose sight of where you're going. Listen--we've got this.

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Where Has the Time Gone?

It seems like just yesterday that I was writing the previous post while sitting at JFK. But I guess that was nearly two months ago, wasn't it? Damn. I'm not even sure where to start with this update. I guess I'll pick up where I left off:

I graduated college! A few short days after I returned from my whirlwind trip to Wisconsin, I walked across the stage at UMF, shook hands with President Foster, accepted my degree, and began my adult life. Of course I was an adult legally when I was 18, but while you're in college, it's not like you're a true adult. Well, I didn't feel like one anyway. For those who didn't know what I was studying, I received a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology and the Mental Health Rehabilitation Technician Certification. Now, you may ask: “What do you do with a BA in Psychology?” Well, not much. If one wishes to be a counselor or therapist, they would need to obtain a Master's degree and become a certified counselor. For me, this wasn't what spoke to me. I've been involved in student life at the college level all four years of my undergrad. I love being able to work with all types of students, make connections, facilitate growth (and be able to see growth in myself), and forge positive relationships. It is because of my passion for the field that I decided that I wanted to go into Student Affairs after graduation. Leading me to apply to UMaine's Higher Education program and also several jobs in the field. Hence the job interview in Wisconsin.

Speaking of, I didn't get the job. Needless to say, I was upset. I was told that it was a truly difficult decision and I was wished the best in my bright future. Despite the positive affirmations, I was crushed. Something I had so dearly been hoping for burst into flames and died right in front of my eyes. However, I am happy to announce that I will be attending UMaine in the Fall in the Master's of Education in Student Development in Higher Education program. I will also be working as the Graduate Outreach Assistant for the Counseling Center. In this role, I'll be supervising the Mind Spa, a relaxation zone at the university, and it's staff of undergraduate students. I will also be helping promote mental health by creating and administering programs across the university. I have been lucky enough to have also secured a second position as Resident Scholar for the UMaine chapter of Sigma Phi Epsilon. In this role, I'll be designing and leading programs for a fraternity as well as overseeing the day to day activities and well-being of the house. I am so thankful for these amazing opportunities and I can't wait to get started in the Fall.

This summer has been amazing so far and I'm sure that the rest will be wonderful as well. I've been working at Day's Store in Belgrade and to be honest, most days it doesn't even feel like work. I love the people I work with and enjoy being able to meet and talk to some really interesting customers. I am so thankful to have such an amazing job, even if it is just for the summer. I've also been able to have some fun outside of work as well. I've been able to spend some quality time with the woman of my dreams and her family, whom I love. I've been a part of a beautiful wedding in New Hampshire, seen Ingrid Michaelson for the 4th time, spent days just laying on the beach, and days just laying around the house. I am happy. Truly, genuinely happy.

Cheers.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Up, Up, and Away!

The purpose of this post is twofold. I wanted to fill you all in on my trip to Beloit but also reflect on my time as an undergrad. Without any further ado, here it is:

As I sit here at J.F.K. International Airport in New York, New York, I am experiencing this weird mix of emotions that I almost can't find words to describe. I am on the last leg of my whirlwind trip to Beloit, Wisconsin. I'll be arriving back in Portland, Maine around midnight tonight. I am tired but excited. Anxious and terrified. And a whole host of other things. I guess you probably all know (at least if you've been following my blog) that I went to Beloit for a job interview. I interviewed for an Area Hall Director position at Beloit College.

My journey began at Portland Jetport on Wednesday morning. My first ever flight. I was terrified and thought that at some point I would surely vomit everywhere. Alas, I held it in and survived. It helped that I met a very friendly stranger while waiting for the plane. She was a psychologist going to Charlotte, NC. to visit some friends. We talked about my life, her life, our trips, good books, human behavior, and so on. Thank you, Susan - I hope you enjoyed your time with your friends! We boarded the plane and departed Portland for Charlotte on time. Take-off was horrifying. I HATE heights. But once I was up in the air, I didn't care at all. I fell asleep for a good chunk of the flight and woke up when we were beginning our descent. When we landed I thought we were going to die. Landing is my LEAST favorite thing about flying. I'd almost rather jump out with a parachute.

I had plenty of time to get to the gate for my next flight to Chicago, IL. This plane was much bigger than the first and took forever to board and get going. The flight was great, the landing was not. The next thing I know, I'm at Chicago O'Hare and completely confused. Literally no idea where I was or where to go. Luckily, I was able to follow signs and asked a nice security guard how to get to the bus terminal. From there, I waited a short bit then hopped the Van Galder Express to South Beloit, IL. and was met by Jeremiah, a current Hall Director at Beloit. Jeremiah was a hoot and I can't think of any better introduction to the school and the town. We drove about seven minutes and were in Wisconsin! The town of Beloit is beautiful. It's like a small city complete with a Wal-Mart, Pizza Hut, great shopping opportunities, and even a Buffalo Wild Wings (coming soon!) We got to the school, which is just as beautiful as the rest of the city, and made it to the Guest House and got all checked in. From there, I met Nadir, a current RA who took me on a campus tour. It was a blast.

Shortly thereafter, I went and toured one of the Hall Director apartments, which was pretty nice, by the way, and went to dinner with Jeremiah, Sarah, and Matt, three current Hall Directors. That was a great time and the food was delightful! I then returned to my room and crashed.

Today began at 6:30am when I woke up to get ready for my interview, which began promptly at 8am. It was a great interview that was split up in different blocks with several different people. I started the day with the support staff for Student Life. They were both very entertaining and proved a great way to wake up and get my head in the game. From there, I went to meet with the Hall Director Selection Committee, comprised of Sarah, the Assistant Director of Residence Life, Jeremiah, Hannah (a current Hall Director) and several student staff. I then went on to meet Christina, the Dean of Students, several Student Life staff members, Sarah again, and John, the Director of Residence Life. From there I went to have lunch with a group of current RAs (who were a hoot, by the way!) and then departed for the bus station. I hopped the Van Galder Express once more and arrived at O'Hare before I knew it (probably because I fell asleep.)

I barely made it to my flight as the bus came in a little late due to some traffic. Before I knew it, we were in the air on the way to JFK. And here I sit. A three hour layover seemed like the perfect time to fill everyone in. I feel very good about the way the interviews went (and I'll know about the job by mid-week next week, hopefully!). I don't know what I'll do if I get an offer - I'll have to do a lot of thinking in the next few days. I'll let you know how it all turns out.

But now it's time for the second part of this rather lengthy post. As I reflect on my journey to Beloit, it makes me think about my journey to get where I am now. So I wanted to take a minute to just recap my undergrad and thank some of the most influential people I have ever met.

When I started college at Southern Maine Community College four years ago, I had no idea where life was going to take me. I thought I wanted to be a teacher. I imagined myself going home every weekend. Little did I know, I would fall in love with the college lifestyle. The second semester of my first year, I applied to be an RA. I was so excited to jump into the position and help students feel "at home." However, I didn't get the job. I was, however, given an alternate position. Luckily, a position became available a few weeks in and I was asked to step in. I couldn't be more thankful for this.

My time at SMCC was such an important developmental period for me. I learned a lot about myself and began to pursue things that would make me happy. I worked as an RA for the rest of my time there, including the Summer in between my first and second years there. I would like to take a minute to thank the amazing Student Life professionals that helped me find my passion and who encouraged me to pursue it in my future. Katie-Rose, Jessica, Tiffanie, Shane, and Deirdre - I have no idea if any of you will ever see this, but I want to say thank you. You were all such positive and wonderful role models for me. I can't begin to tell you how special you are to me. I am also so thankful to my friends at the bookstore who always put up with my shenanigans and loved me just the same. Thank you Cherie, Kat, Patti, Tien, and Leo! You guys are great!

It wasn't just my supervisors who profoundly influenced me and helped shape me into the person I am today. I made some wonderful friends in my time there. Becca, you were my first TRUE friend at SMCC. I'm so glad we awkwardly talked to each other after Mary Jo's class. You have always been there for me when I needed something or someone to talk to and I know that I could call you up any time and you would still be there. Thank you for everything. Andrew, Kayla, Cody, Ryan, Morgan... basically everyone on my staff that last year I was there... thank you for everything. While we had some rocky times, I still see us as a big dysfunctional family and great friends. I have to say that I am grateful for everyone I met in my time there. You all helped shape me in a way that you could never know.

In addition to all of this, I also found my passion for Psychology. I dove into it at SMCC and changed my major when I went to UMF. I couldn't be happier with that decision. While I'm not going into the field after graduation, all of what I have learned has made me a better, much more cognizant person and much more capable of helping others and myself.

When I transferred to the University of Maine at Farmington, I was beyond ready to tackle my last two years of college. However, I imagined them to drag on and on. Much to my surprise and dismay, they flew by. It seems like just yesterday that I arrived on campus and moved into Mallett Hall. My lovely roommate Adam was a peach. I was lucky to have such an amazing companion for my time in Mallett. I had started working in the Center for Student Involvement when I first got there. That job proved to be much more than just a job to me. The office became like another home and the staff like another family to me. I am exceptionally thankful to Maya, who gave me my start and supported me every step of the way. I love you, girl! <3 From there, I applied to be a CA and was hired for my second semester. This has been both the most challenging and most rewarding thing that I have experienced in my four years of undergrad. I am so thankful for both the good times and the not-so-good, for they have helped me learn so much about myself and gave me the motivation to stand up for what I believe in. I have had some amazing supervisors who have helped me every step of the way. Thank you Janice, Christina, Melissa, Robyn, Beth, Brian, and Lauren. I wouldn't be the Student Affairs Paraprofessional that I am today without you.

I have so much left to say, but so little time! I have to board for my last flight - so check back later for more!

Cheers,
-S.

Friday, May 8, 2015

Pomp and Circumstance

7 days... 7 more days. What. The. Heck. Graduation is so close, yet so far. Despite being done with classes, I still have three papers left to write and a final next week. It seems so unreal that my undergrad has flown by so quickly. I am incredibly thankful for all of the experiences I've had and the people I've known. But this isn't the post for that... trust me, there will be a super sappy post in the coming days about all of that.

I wanted to share some information about graduation for those of you that might be interested. Commencement is at 10:30am on Saturday, May 16th here at UMF. If the weather is nice, the ceremony will be outside in the large parking lot behind the Computer Center. All will be welcome to attend as tickets will not be necessary. If the weather is poor, however, the ceremony will be held inside the Fitness and Recreation Center. In this case, only four people will be granted admission (we only get 4 tickets). Regardless of where the ceremony is, it will be broadcast on Mt. Blue TV and also shown inside the Education Center and a couple of other venues on campus.

As to what's ahead after graduation - I still have no idea and that is so stressful for me. I have a tentative plan but nothing necessarily concrete. It depends on what happens with my interview next week. I'll be sure to keep you all posted. If anyone wants to send me a card for graduation, it might be best to send it to my home address which I will happily give you upon request.

Keep an eye out for my super depressing farewell / reflection on my undergrad post coming soon!

Cheers,
-S.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Freak the Freak Out

UPDATE: 18 days until graduation! I think I'm freaking the freak out. Every time I settle into an idea of what next year will look like, something changes. I mean, I know this is a time of incredible changes and whatnot, but really? Necessary? I think not.

First, let's recap. My birthday was a week ago and it was amazing. I was surrounded by people I love and had a wonderful day. I am so thankful to have gotten many wonderful gifts for my apartment and little Cheesecake. I also got tickets to see Ingrid Michaelson for the fourth time and I can't wait! I went out for drinks with some great friends to close out the night and danced to Taylor Swift like my life depended on it!

Now looking forward: People keep asking me what my plans are for next year. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea yet. I thought for sure that I would be heading up to Orono for grad school... until today. Remember that job that I had applied for at Beloit College in Wisconsin? Well, this morning I woke up to a phone call asking if I would like to come to campus for a third interview. Luckily (and thankfully) Beloit will pay all of my travel expenses. I'll be flying out of Portland in the morning on May 13th and landing in Charlotte, North Carolina, changing planes and flying into Chicago, Illinois. From there, I'll take a shuttle to Beloit. My interview will be from early in the morning on the 14th until mid-afternoon. Then I'll hop back on a plane and be back in Maine very late that night. I am so incredibly excited to have this amazing opportunity and can't wait to see what happens next.

I should mention that this whirlwind trip will take place during finals week. And between now and then I have to accomplish quite a lengthy list of assignments, pack up everything I own, continue working, and attempting to still have fun for the last three weeks of my undergrad. Holy cow.

Can I do all of this and remain sane? Only time will tell. Wish me luck!

Cheers,
-S.

Monday, April 13, 2015

Birthday Wishlist

For those of you who may be interested in sending birthday wishes (or gifts) my way, below is my address and a special birthday wishlist. For those of you who don't know, on April 20th, I'll be turning 22! I'm also graduating in May and will need things for real adult living in an apartment. Here's my current address if you wish to send me a card or whatever.

Shane Cushing
Frances Allen Black Hall, Room 506A.
111 South Street,
Farmington, ME. 04938.

Wishlist:
Cold hard cash.
Orgreenic cookware set.
Kitchen utensils (ladle, spatula, pizza cutter, etc.)
Tickets to see Ingrid Michaelson in Portland on 6/28.
Cat condo (for Cheesecake)
Cat toys
Anything else that a young adult going out on his own may need.

Anything helps and anything is appreciated, including well-wishes and smiles. Thanks in advance! I may or may not be having a party at some point... check back for updates!

Cheers,
-S.

Health Fix

It's sunny, 70°, slightly breezy, and unbelievably gorgeous. Hello, Spring! As wonderful as it is that it's getting warmer, this body is still in Winter mode. I'm layered in blubber to help keep me warm through the cruel Farmington Winter. As the snow melts, it's time to melt away my extra body fat. Today was day one. I woke up bright and early (aka 10am which is early for me) and went to the gym. I know, right? It wasn't as bad as I thought. Now, let's see if I can keep this up. Luckily I have two of my best friends keeping me motivated and going with me. Thanks, Hannah and Madeline! <3

Anyway, I'm looking for some new workout routines / diets if anyone has anything to recommend!

I'm trying this whole healthy eating thing, too... so if anyone knows of any yummy recipes that are pretty easy and quick to make, send them my way!

I'll keep you all updated on my suffering.

Cheers,
-S.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

100 Things...

Today I attended a conference on end of life care at Franklin Memorial Hospital. This semester, I'm taking an independent study on palliative care and how to work with people who are at the end of their lives. While this is an incredibly sad topic, it is one that I find to be very important. Have you told your loved ones whether or not you wish to be kept alive on a ventilator if you ever get to that point? Have you told your family whether or not you would like extraordinary measures taken to save your life in the event of an accident or disease? Have you told them what you would like done with your body when you die? Well, maybe you should. Sure you may not be experiencing a life-threatening disease currently, but what if...? 

When one family member becomes unable to make their own medical decisions and other family members step up to make those decisions without knowing exactly what the person would have wanted can cause a great deal of unrest in the family. We don't want that, at least I certainly don't, at the end of my life. For that reason, I have an Advanced Directive that has a DNR / No Extraordinary Measures form, my views on being kept alive by a ventilator, the insertion of a feeding tube, etc. It also has information about what I would like to be done with my body when I die. For those of you who may be wondering, I wish to be cremated placed into a bio-urn that will use my ashes to fertilize the growth of a tree, then planted in a quiet place by the water. 

Now, I'm hoping that my death will not come anytime soon, but when it does, I know that I can go peacefully, knowing that my wishes will be respected. I would like to be able to decide when I die. For example, say that in some 60-odd years I develop a horrific form of cancer and I am diagnosed with six months to a year to live, if my doctor thinks that there is any chance that he or she may be able to prolong my life in a way that allows me to be happy and comfortable, I will do it. However, if this treatment fails, I would like to be able to choose when the treatment stops and I begin my journey into whatever comes next. 

I know this may seem quite morbid to most of you and maybe far too painful to read and conceptualize, but it's an important topic to discuss. The biggest takeaway is this: everyone is different and everyone may have different wishes, but it is on us, the able bodied care takers to do whatever is possible to ease the pain and follow through with the patients wishes. When it comes down to it, we all know when it is time to go. We all know when we've had enough. One of the biggest things that jumped out at me today at the conference was a section in a movie we watched called, "Consider the Conversation." I have posted the quote by Dr. Martin Welsh below:

“Imagine a list of 100 things you do most days. Some are routines, some are chores, and some are pleasurable. Get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. Kiss your wife. Answer the phone. Drive your car to work. Go play golf with your friends. Brush your teeth. Write a letter, lick and seal the envelope, and put a stamp on it. Hug your child. 

Of course, we do many more than 100 things a day, but for now, just imagine 100 things that are essential to the life you live. Now if you take away 1, you can still do 99. Is life worth living without being able to smell the roses in the garden? Of course it is. How about losing 2, or 7, or 23? Is life still worth living? Of course! But suppose you get to where you've lost, say, 90 things... and now with each one taken away, a bad one is added. You can no longer walk well, and you start falling, and it hurts. Your grip is gone, and you also suffer the ignominy of wetting your pants, because your bladder spasms. You can’t turn over in bed, and that also means you’ll get bedsores, unless someone turns you frequently. Life is still worth living, but you’re getting tired.

At some point, no matter who you are—or how strong, you can lose enough things that matter, and acquire enough negatives, that the burdens will outweigh the joys of being alive. This is the stage when, as a doctor, I would reassure my patients and their families that they had fought the good fight, and it was now okay to accept moving to the next phase."

Just think about that for a minute. Wouldn't it be nice to decide when to move on to the next phase? Sharing your wishes and hopes with your close loved ones is certainly a start. Pick someone you love and tell them what you want when you are coming to the end of your life. It will help you, certainly, but it will help them as well. 

Monday, April 6, 2015

Spring Cleaning and Snow Showers

As I sit here sorting through all of the junk that I have accumulated through the years, I reflect on my experiences in life. I know that sounds incredibly cheesy and cliché, but anyone that knows me knows that that's all part of who I am. Maybe I'm just exceptionally sentimental because I know that the life I have known for the past four years... even the life I have known for the past twenty-two years is all going to change in six short weeks. Or maybe I'm just emotional because it's supposed to be springtime but it's snowing... either way, I'll share some gems that I've found so far.

1. Numerous awards - Now, these may just be pieces of paper and have no real meaning attached, it's so hard to throw them out. I have certificates from my time at SMCC and an award for Program of the Month for my classic, "BJs in your PJs" program - don't ask! I found my Cohesive Co-Ship Award that my dear friend Karla and I won at the end of last year. These are all things of the past, but of course I'll hang onto them - I couldn't possibly throw them out, although I probably should!

2. FAB placement letter - This was a HUGE moment for me, getting placed in FAB. I worked my butt off to get here and I think that living and working in such a difficult building has helped shape who I am personally and professionally.

3. Playbills - American Idiot and Lion King, to be exact. In my position as a Weekend Adventures and Excursions Leader, I have had the opportunity to travel to places I never thought I could go, done things I never thought possible, and made memories that are sure to last a lifetime.

4. This poem:
"Realize that bodies are only a fraction of who we are.
They're just oddly-shaped vessels for hearts.
And honestly, they can barely contain us.
We strain at their seams with every breath we take.
We are all pulse and sweat,
Tissue and nerve ending.
We are programmed to grope and fumble until we get it right.
Bodies have been learning each other forever.
It's what bodies do.
They are grab bags of parts,
And half the fun is figuring out
All the different ways we can fit them together;
All the different uses for hipbones and hands,
Tongues and teeth;
All the ways to car-crash our bodies beautiful.
But we could never forget how to use our hearts,
Even if we tried.
That's the important part.
Don't worry about the bodies,
They've got this."
-Gabe Moses, "How to Make Love to A Trans Person"

That's all I'll share for now... this cleaning and sorting process is sure to span for several weeks (I feel like I'm cleaning a hoarders house, only it's my own very small apartment.) I may soon be posting things that are up for grabs, so keep an eye out for some (possibly) useless junk! Woohoo!

Cheers,
-S

Sunday, April 5, 2015

My future furbaby

One of these lucky little orange fluffballs will be my furbaby. <3 I can't wait!

Falling Into Place...

Well, here we are. There are only six short weeks until I graduate. It doesn't seem possible that these four years have flown by as quickly as they have. In these final weeks, I find myself in a constant state of flux. The ups and downs come at a rate comparable to riding a speeding roller coaster. For the whole first part of the year it was as if this roller coaster would never stop but now I can see the end... and I couldn't be more excited. Excited not only to get off this ride, ending the mayhem of my undergraduate career, but excited to get on whatever ride may come next. Speaking of which, what even are my options?

Option #1. Graduate School: I have officially been accepted at the University of Maine in Orono to the M.Ed. program in Student Development in Higher Education. Along with this, I have been offered (and tentatively accepted) a graduate assistantship in the Counseling Center as the Outreach Assistant. Luckily, this position would cover nearly the entire cost of my graduate degree and provides a stipend above and beyond that. If I take this route, this means in August, I'll be moving to Orono and will need to find a roommate or two to share the cost.

Option #2. Workforce: I have applied to several positions in Higher Education. My thought behind this was to establish myself, make some money, and get on my feet as an adult and a college graduate before going to get a higher degree. A few weeks ago, I had two phone interviews. One at Hiram College in Hiram, Ohio and one at Beloit College in Beloit, Wisconsin. Just this past week, I had a second phone interview with Beloit and am now playing the waiting game. The next step would most likely be an on-campus interview if I'm lucky enough to be chosen. Time will tell.

As of today, I have secured a plan for this summer which is something that I have been freaking out about for some time now. I will be staying in Farmington over the summer, subleasing my friend Linsey's studio apartment. I'll be returning to Day's Store in Belgrade hopefully working 40 hours a week and making lots of money. $$$! I will also be getting a little tiny kitten! Hopefully a male, but possibly a little lady cat. Whichever gender it is, I shall call it... CHEESECAKE! <3 I'm so excited to finally be able to have my own little kitten companion. (Well, it won't totally be mine, I'm sharing with my amazing girlfriend, Madeline!)


So, why am I writing this blog, you may ask? Well, it's so that all of those people who I can't necessarily communicate with all the time but would like to stay informed about the happenings in my busy whirlwind of a life, can read up on my silly little life. Also, with all this stress, it's good to get it all out one way or another and the internet is certainly much less expensive than therapy.

Check back often and feel free to follow my blog. I'll be posting pretty frequently, most likely.

Cheers!
-S